Thoughts 8
Verbosity...
5/14/2019
Today’s Topic: What 9 months in Việt Nam has taught me…
1. Fact: If I leave my house without my Sony point and shoot camera, I WILL come across the most incredible, once-in-a-life-time, photographic opportunity. I know, I know... you’re all thinking “Duh...well Pôn, what about your phone? Why not just take a picture with your phone, there Paul-o?” Well, first of all, have you seen my phone? It was new five generations ago! Next, have you ever tried to frame a picture using a phone with spiderweb cracks on the viewscreen? Finally, by the time I locate my picture app, pull it up, get it to focus and try to get the cracked touch-screen to recognize that my woodpecker-like tapping means "take a picture"…the train has already left the station.
2. The người Việt (people Việt – i.e. Vietnamese people) “never got the memo”. If you really want to see the epitome of a perplexed look on the face of your người Việt friends, tell them some of the “absolute truths” you were told by that “self-appointed expert on all things Việt Nam” who you met at the coffee shop (or that factoid you read on the interweb). For example: Truth #1: She told me in no uncertain terms, “...the Vietnamese are forward-looking people. They don’t dwell on the past. They've had so much conflict in their lives that they have an optimistic life philosophy that says ‘never look back’! That’s why you never see a rear view mirror on a motorbike in Việt Nam! When a Vietnamese buys a new motorbike, the first thing they do is take the rear view mirrors off because they never look back.” News flash!: At least 99% of the motorbikes I see, have rear view mirrors!? Secondly, all my Vietnamese friends tell me..."yes, we usually take the mirrors off of that new motorbike to REPLACE them with better quality mirrors OR...to REPLACE them with mirrors that mount vertically, rather than horizontally." The OEM horizontal mirrors are mounted parallel to the ground, which means they will stick out wider than the handlebars. This means they are adding on about 5” to each side of your handle bars, which are usually the widest part of the vehicle. This means, you are going to either not be able to find a place to park your motorbike (because the extra 10” means you can’t squeeze it into that narrow space between the other two parked motorbikes) or you are aren’t going to be able to squeeze between other motorbikes, cars, buses, or trucks on the crowded streets of Hà Nội, without your mirrors hitting them. So really, it’s a maneuverability issue – just look back (pun intended!) at some of the rush hour traffic pictures I’ve posted and you’ll “pick up what I’m putting down” (please pardon the little homage to my brother Scott - you rock bro!)! The most incredulous part for my người Việt friends, however, is they cannot imagine surviving in Hà Nội traffic without the ability to look behind them (i.e., use their rear view mirrors) to see the approaching traffic,before they change position on the road?! Truth #2: He said authoritatively “Never wear white clothing. It will offend the Vietnamese. They only wear white clothing at funerals.” News flash!: This man must have difficulty distinguishing colors. I see white clothing EVERYWHERE, not dead people (please excuse the homage to the movie the 6th sense).
3. I can count the number of days it is not humid in Hà Nội more easily than I can count the number of times I've been asked who cooks for me.
4. If you want to walk across the street in Hà Nội, consider the following: walk INTO traffic, don’t walk perpendicular to traffic; forget everything “officer friendly” told you in the first grade about crosswalks; grow eyes in the back and sides of your head; don’t wait for a break in traffic (there are none); whenever possible, try to put a turning car or motorbike between you and oncoming traffic; look for the most elderly person you can find crossing the street and cross with her/him (they didn’t get to be that old without knowing how to safely cross the street in rush hour traffic); remember the old saying “he who hesitates is lost”; and most importantly, “don’t think…just do”.
5. No matter how many times you say “không!” ("no") to someone trying to sell you something on the street (or at a street restaurant), they will keep insisting you buy something from them…but if you say “Tôi không có tiền” (“I don’t have any money”)..you will suddenly become invisible!
6. If you meet a người Việt person on the street, and they say “hello” in English, no matter how hard you try, you WILL say “hello” back to them in English…no matter how much you want to say “xin chào” or “chào”. Darn you Pavlov!
7. “Street food” is ALWAYS better tasting than any 5-star restaurant food.
8. Once you master the art of using a pair of chopsticks, you WILL gain back all that weight you formerly lost at an astonishing rate! Stated differently, if chopsticks are the only eating utensils you have in your house, you will learn to use them, because you will reach a point when your hosts will no longer tolerate your eating phở with your fingers in public…
9. Just because horse or goat entrails, fermented shrimp, or blood sausage isn’t not on the menu at your fav restaurant in America, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t tastes good!
10. There is some unknown force of nature, that sterilizes those communal chopsticks and flat spoons that you so willingly share with every other customer who ate at that same street restaurant you're eating at today!