• Learn to listen
  Communication can be difficult
  Give the person speaking your undivided attention
  Pay careful attention to what is said
• Listen for what and why
  Strive to find the meaning of what is being said
• Listen for feelings and attitudes
  By knowing feelings, you know the person’s frame of mind
  A person’s feelings may affect their point of view
  Respond to the feelings the person describes
• Examples:
  Query: “I’m wondering if I should switch majors…I’m not very good at anything I do...”
  Response: “What makes you feel you need to leave the major you are in now?”
  Response: “So you think it is not worth trying again?”
  Response: “What other majors have you been considering?”
  Query: “I'm not sure I should tell my parents I'm gay. ”
  Response: “What do you think your parent’s reactions would be if you told them?”
  Response: “Are you worried that your parent’s reaction would be very negative?”
  Response: “What makes you not want to tell your parents?"
• Do not interrupt or argue
  Let the speaker finish their thought
  Stay with the topic introduced by speaker
  Interruptions can cause distractions
  Interruptions can keep the speaker from sharing what they originally intended
• Ask clarifying questions
  Ask questions when you are unsure or confused about what the speaker means
  Ask questions or introduce comments that are pertinent to the context and topic
  Wait for a complete answer to questions
  Questions ensure that you are understanding what the speaker is saying
• Get the complete story
  Let the speaker tell their story
  Ask questions for clarification
  Open a discussion to obtain more details if necessary
• Mirror back the thought
  Ensure that you have received what the speaker meant to convey
  The speaker can repeat or clarify if you have misunderstood
• Yield on the unimportant
  Concentrate on the broad principles
  Yield on details that do not affect the outcome
• Minimal talking encourages the speaker to converse
  Very little needs to be said
  Examples:
  Response: “Oh?”
  Response: “So?”
  Response: “Then?”
  Response: “And?”
  Response: "Mmm hmmm"
  Simple head nodding is often sufficient
  Repeat one or two key words
  Examples:
  Response: “Tell me more about…”
  Response: “How do you feel about…”
  Response: “Give me an example of…”
  Response: “What does this mean to you?”
• Paraphrasing
  Conveys that you are listening and are trying to understand what the speaker is saying
  Clarifies the person’s comments by repeating what they have said in a more concise manner
  Concentrates on the content of the message
  Examples:
  Query: “I don’t know about him. One moment he’s nice and the next he is a total creep.”
  Response: “He’s pretty inconsistent then?”
  Query: “She’s constantly smoking pot and makes all of my clothes smell bad. I know I’m going to get in trouble because of her.”
  Response: “So, you feel that her behavior is having a negative effect on you."
• Open invitation to talk
  Open-ended questions allow a person to express their thoughts
  Open: How did you like the Biology class last semester?
  Closed: What grade did you get in Biology last semester?
  Use open-ended questions to:
  Begin an interview or session
  Help a person elaborate a point
  Get examples so you understand what the person is describing
  Help focus the person’s attention on their feelings
• Attentive behavior
  Relax physically
  Be seated in a comfortable position
  Be yourself
  Eye contact:
  Helps you focus and communicates you are listening
  Do not stare; this makes people uncomfortable

Last Modified: May 10, 2007