In today’s world, LGBTQ issues are frequently discussed; however, they can still seem frightening or confusing. For instance, some of these issues may be addressed at home, where the conversation can become intense and emotional. While becoming an ally is an important step toward overcoming fears and confusion, it will be a challenge. The following guidelines are meant to help you as you begin your role as an ally.

• Do not assume heterosexuality. In our society and culture, it is assumed that everyone is heterosexual. People will often hide who they are until they feel safe to come out.
• Use gender neutral language when referring to someone’s partner if you do not know the person well. Be aware of the gender language you use and the implications of this language.
• Educate yourself about LGBTQ issues. Many resources are available, including reading lists and websites.
• Explore ways to integrate LGBTQ issues in your work. Establishing a dialogue and educating yourself about LGBTQ issues in the context of your work can be a valuable process for everyone regardless of sexual orientation. In addition, integrating LGBTQ issues into your work is an important strategy for establishing a safe place where people can discuss their concerns.
• Challenge stereotypes that people may have about LGBTQ people and other people groups. Challenge derogatory remarks and jokes and refrain from making similar remarks. Avoid reinforcing stereotypes and prejudices.
• Examine how sexual orientation effects people’s lives and development. Identify how race, class, religion, ability and gender interact with sexual orientation and how multiple identities shape our lives.
• Avoid using heterosexist language; for instance, do not make statements implying that all people of the same gender date or marry members of the other gender.
• Respect how people choose to name themselves. Most people with a same sex or bisexual orientation prefer gay, lesbian or bisexual rather than homosexual. "Queer" is increasingly used, especially by members of younger generations, but do not use it unless you know that it is all right with that individual. If you do not know how to identify a particular group, ask. Also, do not expect members of any population that is a target of bias, such as gays, Jews, people of color, women or people with disabilities, to always have expertise with the issues that pertain to their particular identity group.
• Avoid patronizing individuals from different groups.
• Encourage and allow disagreement on the topics of sexual identity and related civil rights. These issues often create tension and confusion. If every one is in agreement, it probably means people are not listening or are hiding their feelings. Keep disagreement and discussion focused on principles and issues rather than personalities.
• Remember you are human. Allow yourself not to know everything and to make mistakes. Do not present yourself as an expert unless you are one. Take time to learn the issues, to ask questions and to explore your own feelings. Ask for support if you are harassed or problems surface when you discuss issues relating to sexual orientation. Do not isolate yourself in these kinds of situations; find support and help. Use this opportunity to deepen your understanding of homophobia's and heterosexism's effect on people.
• Prepare for the change and growth that will come by exploring sexual identity issues, heterosexism and other issues of difference. This can be a painful, exciting and enlightening process that will help you know yourself better.
• Remember, by speaking out as an Ally, you are making the world a safer, more affirming place.

Last Modified: May 7, 2007